February 21st, 2012 by coachb7

Many articles, many books, many websites will claim to tell you how to find true love. However, it is not always as easy as it seems to them, and the search can often be dispiriting and leave people feeling worse than before they started.

There is, however, one foolproof way of finding true love, and that is to learn to love yourself. By doing this not only will you instantly make yourself attractive to other people, but you will also have secured the love of the one person who will never stop loving you: you.

Ask other people what it is they like about you. Make a list. Ask friends, co-workers, family members. Get a sense of how other people see you, and use it to make a list of qualities you like about yourself. What do you do well? What can you do or see that other people can’t?

When making your list don’t be too hard on yourself. This is no time for false modesty. This exercise is about discovering what it is that is lovable about you. If you are struggling, think about what you find likable or lovable in others, and then see if you, too, have that quality.

Once you’ve completed this list, read it. Often. Sit down and look at it and think about it whenever you get a chance. You are lovable. This list is just a small sample of why. Any time you are feeling down on yourself, pull it out and give yourself a reminder of all the good things about you.

When you achieve something, or do something praiseworthy, praise yourself. You deserve it. Other people will not always be there to tell you that you have done well, so you may have to do it yourself. Be fulsome and warm in your praise, like you would be to someone else.

In addition to this, notice when people compliment you or try to compliment you. Don’t shrug it off or retreat into modesty. Make a note of it, remember it, and thank them for it. Make a note somewhere of the times other people have praised you. You’ll quickly find it stacks up.

If you find yourself being overly critical of your own actions, interrogate those thoughts. Sure, you may be due the odd bit of critical self-analysis, but ask yourself exactly why you feel the need to criticize yourself in such harsh terms. Is it even fair, the way you are treating yourself? Ask questions of the critical voice in your head, challenge its assumptions. Allow yourself to stand up for yourself.

In order to get the love of others, you have to be capable of loving yourself. This can be difficult, especially if you have been hurt in the past. However, if we wanted to be loved we have to be capable of loving others. And to practice, we should start by loving ourselves. To find true love we first of all must offer it, truly, to ourselves.

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